Friday, March 18, 2011

Apparel (Hiking naked is for bears)

Underwear

Congratulations. You have reached the most racy section of this entire blog. Let me break the ice by illustrating a few examples of mountaineering undergarments that I will not explore.
You, however, are free to experiment.

The standard caveman loincloth is a longtime favorite for its excellent durability and proven track record as an outdoor baselayer / outerlayer / onlylayer. It was first created by God in the Garden of Eden because the fig leaves simply wouldn't cut it (not durable, easily eaten by animals in your sleep, coverage problems). Possible downsides to the loincloth include the possibility of chafing, allergies related to animal hair and dander, and the unfortunate smell that inhabits the material prior to being worn.

Verdict: Keep one tucked away for the apocalypse.


The Borat suspender mankini-thong is a gift from the continent we abandoned. The fabric wicks away moisture and provides unparalleled support. However, the support might actually cause lasting damage to reproductive facilities. Accessibility to the concealed areas is also made impossible, making waste disposal difficult at best. In addition, the Borat suspender mankini-thong sticks to your backside like hippie offspring to Subarus.

Verdict: I can't promise eye-contact if you decide to wear one.


The sumo diaper is a mainstay of Japanese athletics. It is light (relative to its contents), allows for exceptional range of motion and can be taken off simply by loosening a knot. The Japanese have ended the hassle of one-leg-at-a-time undergarment installation. However, they are practically reusable adult diapers and are bound to produce strange and uncomfortable bulges when worn under other clothing.

Verdict: You can make one out of a T-shirt out of desperation.



Every mountain I have ever climbed has been in cotton skivvies. Is that comfortable? Not always. I have considered converting to something that would be ideal for mountain climbing, traveling abroad and general hobo antics. After much research, I have decided to go with the ex-officio give-n-go brief. Tri-state in Moscow, Idaho sells these things...so they can't be all bad. I could get the boxers, but I hear they ride. If I wanted that, I would go with the Borat suspender mankini-thong. Do I like talking about underwear on the Internet? Not as much as some people, but it is necessary.

I forgot commando, but I think I'll leave that for another post.

Baselayer

After you put on your skivvies, the baselayer comes next. The baselayer's primary function is moisture control. If you start sweating, a fabric next to your skin that wicks away moisture is highly advantageous. Don't wear cotton. Don't wear cotton. Don't wear cotton. Wool, spandex, Lycra, synthetics, silk...YES!



I wear a pair of blue spandex long johns made by Hind and a long-sleeve Under Armour thermal shirt. This is also what I use for snowboarding. It is enough to keep me dry and provide that additional level of warmth. One thing that is very important is covering your skin to the wrists and ankles because mountain climbing is a good way to get horrific sunburns (voice of experience talking). A baselayer doesn't have to be as tight as everything pictured above, but it needs to wick moisture and keep the sun off your skin.

Outerwear

Currently, we're wearing underwear and a baselayer. This is when we need to consider layering.

Hows about I just make this simple and tell you what I pack?

1) Under Armor Baselayer
2) Coat (Water Repellent) I wear something made by Mountain Hardware.
3) Long-sleeve Running Shirt (In case the coat is unnecessary)
4) Sweater (In case the temperature drops a bit) You can bring a fleece or whatever. I'm low-tech.

That's really all I pack as far as upper-body clothing.
Sean usually wears a vest.
Brendan wears long-sleeve marathon shirts.
I should wear a burka.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Layered_clothing

Lower Layers

After my long, blue spandex baselayer, I wear a pear of acceptable hiking pants. I bought a pair that can be turned into shorts via a zipper above the knee. If I had to do it again, I would buy a pair that doesn't have pockets directly over the ventral side of my quadriceps. It rubs if I put my camera in there. Side pockets like cargo pants are a better way to go. That's what I get for buying North Face pants instead of going with my gut and buying Mountain Hardware (as Brendan shakes his head, disappointed in my lapse of discernment). I also pack my snowboarding pants. This is mostly for the glissading, but also just in case things turn exceptionally cold. I might also bring an extra pair of long-johns or some fleece sweatpants for the same reason. It might be overkill to wear spandex, pants, sweatpants, and snow pants...but hey...the extra weight doesn't break my back.

My first time up Adams, I wore jeans. The second time I wore running pants without the spandex. The third time I did it in my spandex with a pair of cotton/polyester plaid gray shorts from JCPenny. The moral of my story here is that you will be just fine if you don't wear "special pants" and "special shorts" with "special pockets" and "special buttons that undo the back so you can relieve yourself without dropping trou".
Footwear (Socks and Boots) 

Get two decent pairs of wool socks. You won't regret it. I suggest SmartWool or Wigwam socks. Wool is normally thought of as an itchy fabric, but the socks out there now don't have that problem. They usually cost about $20 a pair for decent socks, but if you are ever out in the cold, wool socks are the way to go. I wore two pairs of wool socks simultaneously for a WSU football game in 2010 and they were barely enough to keep me warm. Buy them. You can thank me later. 

These are my criteria for boots.
1) A Stiff Sole
2) High-cut
3) Waterproof

I ended up buying a pair of Hi-Tec Altitudes. $55. These boots met criteria #1 by not folding in half when I pushed the toe and heel together. They were firm and have remained as such. Stiffness is important because it keeps your foot from wrapping around every little boulder you step on and it provides a better platform for your cramp-ons. Criteria #2 was met when i tried them on and discovered my ankles didn't feel threatened. Criteria #3 wasn't tested until I was on the mountain. By the end of the day, my feet were wet. Fail. I'll buy some waterproofing spray before the next climb. Great success. If I wanted to pick up some nicer boots, these are the brands I would consider: Vasque, Merrell, and Scarpa. I might take a look at Salomon and La Sportiva as well.

Mt Adams doesn't require much...as illustrated below.
Also, God tends to protect us from ourselves, which is nice.

Headwear

Easy. I bring a beanie for the cold weather and a shemagh for the sun. I have also considered making a transition to the traditional Bavarian alpine hat or crocheting myself a ski mask.

Sean likes to wear a trucker hat.

Brendan uses the hood of his coat.

I will wear a bandana from time to time.


Handwear

This is my plan. Bring two pairs of gloves: one pair of thin, light gloves to keep the sun off my hands while hiking and one pair of snowboarding gloves in case of extreme cold and the inevitable glissading. Think about this ----------------------->
Do you want gloves now?







Sunglasses 


We'll probably stop at a gas station. You can pick some up then. I have worn aviators and sports sunglasses. It is really nice to have them. I wouldn't go up a mountain with all that glare from the snow without sunglasses.




Ski Goggles

Goggles are really nice to have when it starts snowing or things get windy and ice is trying to invade your eye parts. This is also something smart to bring along. I might even wear them in decent weather just to keep some of my skin covered. Actually...I think I'll go home, put on my shemagh, add the goggles, and see how it works. I have had the worst sunburns of my life climbing mountains, so fashion takes backseat to potential skin damage. Why do you think I named the blog SPF Infinity?










Gaiters

No ensemble is complete without gaiters. Gaiters keep debris from entering your boots and socks. For our purposes, they keep snow from entering your shoes when hiking and glissading. This is a lifesaver. I bought a pair of mountain hardware gaiters at REI. Outdoor Research (pictured at left) is a bit more expensive, but is very high quality.

When I work out on the farm, they keep weeds from getting into your socks, boots and jeans. I can wade through knee-high thistle with no problem and I never get my socks filled with cheat grass or dirt. Other farmers in the area use them as well. One farmer wears gaiters and shorts all summer long.

Resources

I found a blog post by someone else on mountaineering apparel that might be helpful.

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