Executive Eyewear

Spring time approaches and with it comes innumerable photons which mine skin is keen to embrace, but mine eyes, sadly, are not. As we long-forgotten mole-people of winter tentatively emerge from our light-free habitations, we would do well to protect our eyes. And protect them we shall.

In previous postings I have briefly touched upon a few options for mountaineering eye wear, which is one component in the apparel category of my PATHS model for mountaineering necessities. I  continue to believe the tried and true combination of sunglasses and goggles are functionally adequate, refreshingly simple, and financially reasonable, but today I must expand on the the myriad of possibilities. 

 

Russian President Vladamir Putin bought these goggles from the X-Men...or was it the Ж-Mужчины?

Iranian President Ahmadinejad with his friends at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Both Putin and Ahmadinejad are wearing goggles with excellent coverage of the eye. Neither Siberian ice, nor Persian sand, will be capable of penetrating their defenses. Tomahawk cruise missiles perhaps, but not snow or sand. Eye coverage is important while mountaineering, since the eyes can be spared the duty of protecting themselves by staying shut. Also, both heads of state have tinted lenses to protect their eyes against any harsh light and CIA hypnosis. This is also an important component of mountaineering eye wear due to increased exposure to the sun and glare from the snow. These goggles, however, are not necessarily advantageous if you are seeking re-election. Putin met with success while Ahmadinejad did not.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad went to a 3D movie and didn't invite the Ayatollah.



Some leaders simply do not have the technology.

On a more African note, there was Moammar Gadhafi: the former Libyan dictator that Hollywood found trendy to despise despite their mutual trendiness. He was the bomb until we decided to bomb.

Gadhafi was well aware of one aspect of the North African environment: the sun is bright...really bright.

Gadhafi's choice was a classic move for several reasons:

1) Sunglasses make their wearer instantly cool.
2) Ray Charles

3) They go well with hats of both traditional and military origins.

4) Stevie Wonder

5) They provide a compensatory role on bad hair days.

6) Professional poker players.

7) The Blues Brothers (Before but not after John Belushi).

Now that Gadhafi is gone we will have to find another world leader to take up the cause of sunglasses under any circumstance. While Putin is busy reenacting the movie Tron and Ahmadinejad is plugging into the Matrix, other world leaders are uncool and squinting.

Pol Pot's #2 opted for sunglasses but could not pull it off. 

Which brings us to our next subject.

 

President Obama appears to have a set of safety goggles that he dusts off before his obligatory outings amongst the proletariat (as seen here on four separate occasions).

You will also notice that for mountaineering they are practically useless. They do not provide the coverage of goggles or the sun-protection of sun glasses.

 

Of course, it is the obvious choice for President Obama as anything with greater coverage would hinder his golf game and anything darker might complicate his utilization of the teleprompter.

The president did, to his credit, find a hardhat. I have yet to purchase a mountaineering helmet, but seeing as how I did not vote for President Obama, I am sure someone will make the argument that I needn't bother protecting that which isn't there. 

Strategery!

Of course...not all of us need eye protection...

Travel Gear (What separates man from bears)

Headlamp

 

If we decide to start hiking at 2 AM (called an alpine start) you may need a headlight to see where you are going. Sometimes the full moon is out, but don't bet on it.

The point of an alpine start is to begin climbing the mountain while the snow is still cold and not slushy. The sun melts the snow during the day, and it is better to travel on hard ice than slippery slush. It also allows you to maximize your climbing time and return to camp before nightfall. If my group had not started climbing Mt. Rainier at 2:30 AM from 10,000 ft, we would have been coming back down the hill in potentially far inferior conditions.

Crampons

 Crampons give you the grip needed to walk across ice (or up ice as pictured to the left). They come in several forms, but I have only worn the strap-on crampons pictured to the right. They can be rented from REI, but sometimes they aren't even necessary.

 

Snowshoes

After a bit of investigation, the most popular snowshoe makers appear to be MSR, Atlas, Tubbs, Redfeather, and Crescent Moon. If I pick up a pair, they will be MSR Ascents. I need something with televators in case of hills. Televators are a small platform that makes snowshoeing up a hill more like walking up a flight of stairs.


The link below is a better guide than I could supply.

http://www.snowshoemag.com/first.cfm

http://www.sierratradingpost.com/lp2/snowshoes.html

Hiking Poles

I have hiked Mt. Adams without them twice. However, for the sake of stability and slowing yourself down while glissading, they are nice to have. I now own two pairs. Its nice to have a pair that will collapse down to a manageable size. Sticking long ski-poles onto your pack is not always the most

Sleeping Gear

Sleeping Bag / Pad / Tent / Bivvy Sack / Sleeping Bag Liner

My sleeping bag is a North Face Snowshoe rated to 0 degrees.

It provides plenty of protection from the elements, especially when I'm wearing my baselayer. If things get too cold, I will put on a hat and socks. However, that is a rare occurrence. I have considered making a sleeping bag liner out of fleece sometime in the future just to improve the performance of the bag in the cold. It would be nice, but unnecessary. Think about a buying a mummy bag like mine.

A sheet of egg carton padding works for a sleeping pad. It is light.

Another option is the Imperial Guard Snuggie (as seen on tv).

As far as tents go, I'm going to pick up a light, 3-season, 2-person tent. I would go with REI brand, Kelty, Black Diamond, Marmot, North Face, Mountain Hardware, etc. Its nice to have something simple that can be put up in the dark. The Marmot tent pictured (right) has only 2 poles, which makes it easy to setup. If you come mountain climbing with me, we'll talk tents and make sure everybody has a place to sleep. If we use larger tents, poles and other materials can be divided up amongst the group to inhabit the tent later on. A bivvy sack can be used instead of a tent to protect you from the elements, but they aren't necessary with a tent. Also, bears have easier access to your face.

Glissading Accessories

Glissading is the most efficient way to travel any mountain. Simply put, glissading is sledding down the mountain on your backside. I wear snow pants. Most everyone else jumps into a plastic garbage bag.

Glissading Down Mt. Adams

Glissading down Mt. St. Helens (The Wrath of Brendan)





Apparel (Hiking naked is for bears)

Underwear

Congratulations. You have reached the most racy section of this entire blog. Let me break the ice by illustrating a few examples of mountaineering undergarments that I will not explore.
You, however, are free to experiment.

The standard caveman loincloth is a longtime favorite for its excellent durability and proven track record as an outdoor baselayer / outerlayer / onlylayer. It was first created by God in the Garden of Eden because the fig leaves simply wouldn't cut it (not durable, easily eaten by animals in your sleep, coverage problems). Possible downsides to the loincloth include the possibility of chafing, allergies related to animal hair and dander, and the unfortunate smell that inhabits the material prior to being worn.

Verdict: Keep one tucked away for the apocalypse.

The Borat suspender mankini-thong is a gift from the continent we abandoned. The fabric wicks away moisture and provides unparalleled support. However, the support might actually cause lasting damage to reproductive facilities. Accessibility to the concealed areas is also made impossible, making waste disposal difficult at best. In addition, the Borat suspender mankini-thong sticks to your backside like hippie offspring to Subarus.

Verdict: I can't promise eye-contact if you decide to wear one.

The sumo diaper is a mainstay of Japanese athletics. It is light (relative to its contents), allows for exceptional range of motion and can be taken off simply by loosening a knot. The Japanese have ended the hassle of one-leg-at-a-time undergarment installation. However, they are practically reusable adult diapers and are bound to produce strange and uncomfortable bulges when worn under other clothing.

Verdict: You can make one out of a T-shirt out of desperation.

Every mountain I have ever climbed has been in cotton skivvies. Is that comfortable? Not always. I have considered converting to something that would be ideal for mountain climbing, traveling abroad and general hobo antics. After much research, I have decided to go with the ex-officio give-n-go brief. Tri-state in Moscow, Idaho sells these things...so they can't be all bad. I could get the boxers, but I hear they ride. If I wanted that, I would go with the Borat suspender mankini-thong. Do I like talking about underwear on the Internet? Not as much as some people, but it is necessary.

I forgot commando, but I think I'll leave that for another post.

Baselayer

After you put on your skivvies, the baselayer comes next. The baselayer's primary function is moisture control. If you start sweating, a fabric next to your skin that wicks away moisture is highly advantageous. Don't wear cotton. Don't wear cotton. Don't wear cotton. Wool, spandex, Lycra, synthetics, silk...YES!

I wear a pair of blue spandex long johns made by Hind and a long-sleeve Under Armour thermal shirt. This is also what I use for snowboarding. It is enough to keep me dry and provide that additional level of warmth. One thing that is very important is covering your skin to the wrists and ankles because mountain climbing is a good way to get horrific sunburns (voice of experience talking). A baselayer doesn't have to be as tight as everything pictured above, but it needs to wick moisture and keep the sun off your skin.

Outerwear

Currently, we're wearing underwear and a baselayer. This is when we need to consider layering.

Hows about I just make this simple and tell you what I pack?

1) Under Armor Baselayer
2) Coat (Water Repellent) I wear something made by Mountain Hardware.
3) Long-sleeve Running Shirt (In case the coat is unnecessary)
4) Sweater (In case the temperature drops a bit) You can bring a fleece or whatever. I'm low-tech.

That's really all I pack as far as upper-body clothing.
Sean usually wears a vest.
Brendan wears long-sleeve marathon shirts.
I should wear a burka.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Layered_clothing

Lower Layers

After my long, blue spandex baselayer, I wear a pear of acceptable hiking pants. I bought a pair that can be turned into shorts via a zipper above the knee. If I had to do it again, I would buy a pair that doesn't have pockets directly over the ventral side of my quadriceps. It rubs if I put my camera in there. Side pockets like cargo pants are a better way to go. That's what I get for buying North Face pants instead of going with my gut and buying Mountain Hardware (as Brendan shakes his head, disappointed in my lapse of discernment). I also pack my snowboarding pants. This is mostly for the glissading, but also just in case things turn exceptionally cold. I might also bring an extra pair of long-johns or some fleece sweatpants for the same reason. It might be overkill to wear spandex, pants, sweatpants, and snow pants...but hey...the extra weight doesn't break my back.

My first time up Adams, I wore jeans. The second time I wore running pants without the spandex. The third time I did it in my spandex with a pair of cotton/polyester plaid gray shorts from JCPenny. The moral of my story here is that you will be just fine if you don't wear "special pants" and "special shorts" with "special pockets" and "special buttons that undo the back so you can relieve yourself without dropping trou".

Footwear (Socks and Boots) 

Get two decent pairs of wool socks. You won't regret it. I suggest SmartWool or Wigwam socks. Wool is normally thought of as an itchy fabric, but the socks out there now don't have that problem. They usually cost about $20 a pair for decent socks, but if you are ever out in the cold, wool socks are the way to go. I wore two pairs of wool socks simultaneously for a WSU football game in 2010 and they were barely enough to keep me warm. Buy them. You can thank me later. 

These are my criteria for boots.

1) A Stiff Sole

2) High-cut

3) Waterproof

I ended up buying a pair of Hi-Tec Altitudes. $55. These boots met criteria #1 by not folding in half when I pushed the toe and heel together. They were firm and have remained as such. Stiffness is important because it keeps your foot from wrapping around every little boulder you step on and it provides a better platform for your cramp-ons. Criteria #2 was met when i tried them on and discovered my ankles didn't feel threatened. Criteria #3 wasn't tested until I was on the mountain. By the end of the day, my feet were wet. Fail. I'll buy some waterproofing spray before the next climb. Great success. If I wanted to pick up some nicer boots, these are the brands I would consider: Vasque, Merrell, and Scarpa. I might take a look at Salomon and La Sportiva as well.

Mt Adams doesn't require much...as illustrated below.

Also, God tends to protect us from ourselves, which is nice.

Headwear

Easy. I bring a beanie for the cold weather and a shemagh for the sun. I have also considered making a transition to the traditional Bavarian alpine hat or crocheting myself a ski mask.

Sean likes to wear a trucker hat.

Brendan uses the hood of his coat.

I will wear a bandana from time to time.

Handwear

This is my plan. Bring two pairs of gloves: one pair of thin, light gloves to keep the sun off my hands while hiking and one pair of snowboarding gloves in case of extreme cold and the inevitable glissading. Think about this ----------------------->

Do you want gloves now?

Sunglasses 

We'll probably stop at a gas station. You can pick some up then. I have worn aviators and sports sunglasses. It is really nice to have them. I wouldn't go up a mountain with all that glare from the snow without sunglasses.

Ski Goggles

Goggles are really nice to have when it starts snowing or things get windy and ice is trying to invade your eye parts. This is also something smart to bring along. I might even wear them in decent weather just to keep some of my skin covered. Actually...I think I'll go home, put on my shemagh, add the goggles, and see how it works. I have had the worst sunburns of my life climbing mountains, so fashion takes backseat to potential skin damage. Why do you think I named the blog SPF Infinity?

Gaiters

No ensemble is complete without gaiters. Gaiters keep debris from entering your boots and socks. For our purposes, they keep snow from entering your shoes when hiking and glissading. This is a lifesaver. I bought a pair of mountain hardware gaiters at REI. Outdoor Research (pictured at left) is a bit more expensive, but is very high quality.

When I work out on the farm, they keep weeds from getting into your socks, boots and jeans. I can wade through knee-high thistle with no problem and I never get my socks filled with cheat grass or dirt. Other farmers in the area use them as well. One farmer wears gaiters and shorts all summer long.

Resources

I found a blog post by someone else on mountaineering apparel that might be helpful.

http://blog.mountain-spirit-guides.com/?p=1126

GUEST BLOGITORIAL: Brendan on Apparel

Brendan on Apparel

TABLE OF CONTENTS
1.       Fabrics
2.       Items
3.       Brands

DISCLAIMER.
This is not an encouragement to go shopping for new expensive equipment… chances are you probably already own certain clothing items that while not intended for mountain climbing, will work just as well. The following items are based off of what I have worn during past climbs, results may differ depending on your personal comfort levels.

FABRICS

Certain fabrics just work better than others, the reality is that you will get wet, but the goal is to stay warm and have the ability to dry out quickly. So for the various layers you chose for battle with Vulcanus, consider these basics.

WOOL: breathes, keeps you warm wet or dry, heavy when wet and takes a long time to dry

COTTON: although the ads say “cotton the fabric of our lives” in the outdoors its: “cotton kills,” and “cotton, the kiss of death.” Breathes, lightweight, loses all its protective properties when wet, doesn’t dry quickly.

TECHNICAL FABRICS: This is any sort of modern sports fabric (dry-fit, nomex, etc.) breathes, lightweight, not the warmest, but moisture wicking and dries quickly when wet.

GORTEX: breathes, lightweight, water resistant for about 12 hrs… I say much less but it is the best of the water resistant fabrics, dries quickly.

LEATHER: breathes less than gortex, more than rubber, heavy when dry, water resistant for 2-3 hrs depending on waterproofing treatment.  extremely heavy when wet, doesn’t dry out.

RUBBER: Doesn’t breath, water and wind proof, the elements won’t get to you but your sweat will.

VACUUM DEPOSITED ALUMMINIZED with or without ASBESTOS. Doesn’t breath, water, wind and fire retardant, currently man’s only armor for going up against lava.

ITEMS HEAD TO TOE

HEAD-HAT OR TURBAN: Ski cap or bandanna, can keep your head warm and prevent sunburn of the scalp. Note the Mt. Rainier Tamale photo, I’ve used my shirt to make a turban… I deemed my scalp more important than my lower epidermis.

FACE-SUNSCREEN OR ZINC CREAM: Sunny or partly cloudy you will need a high powered sun screen, for wind protection you may wish to use a Zinc Cream which is the white pasty stuff you see on mountain climbing dude’s faces.

EYES-SUNGLASSES:  failure to comply results in snow blindness. Ski goggles are optional

NECK-GAITER OR SCARF/BANDANNA: optional, good for playing cowboys and Indians, I prefer to have enough survival weight to be double chinned.

TORSO-LAYERS: be prepared for weather ranging from the mid-70’s to the mid-20’s. first layer should be any sort of moisture wicking fabric for sweat… after that it is whatever is comfortable.

TORSO-SHELL: Gortex jacket or shell for wind and precipitation. A full winter coat will do, but it is better just to have one lightweight shell with optional liner so layers can be removed depending on conditions.

HANDS-GLOVES:  Ski gloves will be the most relevant, smaller knit gloves for warmth are optional.

UNDERWEAR:  IMPORTANT regular COTTON undies will absorb sweat and keep you cold and uncomfortable resulting in possible chafing. COMMANDO works but is better for ventilation than keeping in body heat. Best bet is a MOISTURE WICKING fabric that can be worn for days at a time.

LEGS-DURABLE PANTS: most prefer a lightweight canvas-like backpacking cargo pant convertible to shorts. A good pair is a costly for a pant but it is definitely worth the buy.  If you don’t wish to buy, look deep within your closet because cargo pants were a fashion statement in the late 1990’s and for my first few climbs I used an old pair of zip off cargo pants left over from Jr. High. JEANS are discourage because they are mainly cotton and won’t do well when wet.

LEGS-OPTIONAL: LONG UNDERWEAR or SPANDEX will keep your legs warm, but can easily cause you to overheat. SNOW PANTS are useful when glissading down, but a good pair of climbing pants will do just as well but will need to dry. 

CANKLES-GAITERS: useful for keeping snow/debris out of your shoes.

FEET-SOCKS: I prefer basic wool because it will keep your feet warm regardless of how wet they get. Keep the possibility of chafing in mind though when selecting what type you want to use.

FEET-BOOTS: For St. Helens or Adams something with a high ankle, water resistant yet breathable, and with good tread is all that is needed. Certain hiking boots you may already have might meet the criteria. Plastic hiking boots would be a bit over zealous at this time.

EXTRAS to CARRY on climb: Of course extra layers. If you wear pants and shirt layers that dry quickly, then the set you plan to wear is all you will need. Extra underwear is only needed if you are not confident in the moisture wicking ability or are easily frightened by things to include volcanoes. I would recommend extra

SOCKS because even a moisture wicking pair isn’t going to dry out in your boots. 

EXTRAS left in CAR: I usually change a few pieces of wet clothing after a climb. However, if you aren’t afraid of having your car look like a gypsy wagon, bring whatever you like.

BRANDS

If you like shopping and you do want to buy all that is listed, may I offer some advice on brands? If you are new to mountain climbing and aren’t sure if it will become a hobby till death makes you part or it causes your death, then I recommend buying either CHEAP or MODERATE. You do want items that will endure the climbs, but there is no point of buying gear worthy of Everest just yet.  If climbing is something you have done and want to do repeatedly, then buy QUALITY. You want items that will last for years, so spending over a hundred is within reason if it keeps you from buying the same item again for a decade or so. So…

CHEAP; HI-TEC, Generic BIG-5 Brands: On our first ascents, Blake and I were the self-proclaimed models for HI-TEC, a super cheap brand carried buy BIG-5.  It got us there.

MODERATE; OUTDOOR Products, COLUMBIA: is pretty good stuff usually carried by most big box stores and Tri-State Outfitters

QUALITY (by now you are already at REI, Mountain Gear, or online)

MOUNTAIN HARDWEAR: a subsidiary of COLUMBIA, its gear that will last you several years and remains a true climbing brand despite its slight presence amongst trendy/fashion types.

REI BRAND: REI has gotten away from making much of their own gear but it always has been quality.

Um…NORTHFACE : I’m wearing a pair of their shoes as I write this. Unfortunately, this brand has been hijacked by douchebags/highschoolers in much of the same way that EDDIE BAUER use to make good hunting gear but now only appeals to trendy/fashion types. It is overpriced and is for people that want to wear something that says, “yeah, I went skiing… once.” Go to any college or mall and count how many people have the black NorthFace fleece jackets… you can’t count to infinity.

 Case in point --->

OTHER that I can vouch for as being Quality: O.R. (outdoor research) GARMOUNT, KELTY, BLACK DIAMOND.