Executive Eyewear

Spring time approaches and with it comes innumerable photons which mine skin is keen to embrace, but mine eyes, sadly, are not. As we long-forgotten mole-people of winter tentatively emerge from our light-free habitations, we would do well to protect our eyes. And protect them we shall.

In previous postings I have briefly touched upon a few options for mountaineering eye wear, which is one component in the apparel category of my PATHS model for mountaineering necessities. I  continue to believe the tried and true combination of sunglasses and goggles are functionally adequate, refreshingly simple, and financially reasonable, but today I must expand on the the myriad of possibilities. 

 

Russian President Vladamir Putin bought these goggles from the X-Men...or was it the Ж-Mужчины?

Iranian President Ahmadinejad with his friends at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Both Putin and Ahmadinejad are wearing goggles with excellent coverage of the eye. Neither Siberian ice, nor Persian sand, will be capable of penetrating their defenses. Tomahawk cruise missiles perhaps, but not snow or sand. Eye coverage is important while mountaineering, since the eyes can be spared the duty of protecting themselves by staying shut. Also, both heads of state have tinted lenses to protect their eyes against any harsh light and CIA hypnosis. This is also an important component of mountaineering eye wear due to increased exposure to the sun and glare from the snow. These goggles, however, are not necessarily advantageous if you are seeking re-election. Putin met with success while Ahmadinejad did not.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad went to a 3D movie and didn't invite the Ayatollah.



Some leaders simply do not have the technology.

On a more African note, there was Moammar Gadhafi: the former Libyan dictator that Hollywood found trendy to despise despite their mutual trendiness. He was the bomb until we decided to bomb.

Gadhafi was well aware of one aspect of the North African environment: the sun is bright...really bright.

Gadhafi's choice was a classic move for several reasons:

1) Sunglasses make their wearer instantly cool.
2) Ray Charles

3) They go well with hats of both traditional and military origins.

4) Stevie Wonder

5) They provide a compensatory role on bad hair days.

6) Professional poker players.

7) The Blues Brothers (Before but not after John Belushi).

Now that Gadhafi is gone we will have to find another world leader to take up the cause of sunglasses under any circumstance. While Putin is busy reenacting the movie Tron and Ahmadinejad is plugging into the Matrix, other world leaders are uncool and squinting.

Pol Pot's #2 opted for sunglasses but could not pull it off. 

Which brings us to our next subject.

 

President Obama appears to have a set of safety goggles that he dusts off before his obligatory outings amongst the proletariat (as seen here on four separate occasions).

You will also notice that for mountaineering they are practically useless. They do not provide the coverage of goggles or the sun-protection of sun glasses.

 

Of course, it is the obvious choice for President Obama as anything with greater coverage would hinder his golf game and anything darker might complicate his utilization of the teleprompter.

The president did, to his credit, find a hardhat. I have yet to purchase a mountaineering helmet, but seeing as how I did not vote for President Obama, I am sure someone will make the argument that I needn't bother protecting that which isn't there. 

Strategery!

Of course...not all of us need eye protection...