Provisions (Food, Drink and the Kitchen Sink)

Water

I will begin with water because of it's importance. Even if we run out of food and begin to eat one another, we will not be able to properly digest our comrades without clean water. Bear Grylls says you should not eat without water because digesting food without taking in water will make you more dehydrated. Some naysayers denounce Bear Grylls for producing his hit TV show Man vs Wild with a film crew. I stand in stark contrast to these player haters. Any man who will compress an elephant turd to extract the precious life-giving dew contained within is OK in my book. Mmmmm...dung juice. However, if anyone does that on our trip, we will abandon you on the mountain so the bears can do the same thing with your skull. Waste disposal will be covered in future posts. Yes it will.

Blake, Sean and Dave on Rainier

Blake is on the left contemplating death but hoping for rapture.

During my most recent climb up Mt Adams, we were low on water and stumbled upon a freshwater pond. Words like 'probably clean' and 'probably safe' were used to describe this pond. While I cannot speak on behalf of the entire pond, the sample I ingested seems to have been clean. Did you know tapeworms keep you skinny?

The Pond of Wet

Animals love shoveling their night soil into ponds just like this one.

All it takes to get clean drinking water is melting the snow. You don't need to boil it. Just melt it. However, do not melt the red-colored snow. There is a bacteria that lives in the snow at high altitude. You can see red bands of this bacteria in the snow. Clean snow is clean water. I used to be overly cautious and boil snow. This was unnecessary and experienced climbers don't do it that way. They just melt the snow and go. Its nice to have a filter or iodine tablets if you're doing hiking when snow isn't available, but for this type of adventure, a filter or iodine tablets are not necessary either. If this entire paragraph didn't seem funny, its because it wasn't.

My last comment on water is that you can drink your own urine...but you should drink someone else's because you don't want to keep putting the same waste in your body. Put someone else's in and your body won't have to throw the same trash out twice. That little gem was given to me by Sean, and no, he wasn't trying to convince me to drink his urine. 

Food

Two schools of thought exist in the realm of mountaineering food. These ideologies conflict in the debate known as Forage vs Fancy Pants. Although I am vigorous proponent of Forage, I will try to remain as objective as possible.

Undeniable Truth #1 - Fancy Pants is the devil.

The first time I climbed Mt. Adams, I did so with a can of Hormel Chili in my backpack. This was a waste of energy and space because when I returned to the base of Mt. Adams, I did so with a can of Hormel Chili in my backpack. What I'm trying to say is don't bring a frozen turkey up the mountain. 1) It won't thaw. B) You won't want it. III) There is no lava source for the kind of heat we would need. Instead, bring jerky if you want meat. I have been known to bring summer sausage.

Undeniable Truth #47 - Fancy Pants is unnecessary.

Just ask the Maasai people of Africa. Cattle blood is part of their diet. Do you think they fire up the George Foreman? They just poke the jugular and make themselves a cocktail. This brings me to my second people group that is excluded from our expedition: vampires.

Undeniable Truth #∞ - Warm food and cold food are made of the same thing.

Its nice to get a little protein, carbohydrates, vitamins and all that other crud you're composed of. After summiting Rainier and returning to Camp Muir at 10,000 ft, I was so comatose that the only eating I did was groping around for gummy bears and cured Italian sausage wedges. If I would have been required to cook, I might still be buried in a snowbank up there.

S. Richardson, B. Thompson, and B. Herron (AKA Rich Thomerron)

 Illustration of Forage vs. Fancy Pants.

This is a list of things that I bring when I climb a mountain. Keep in mind I'm gluten-free and a proponent of orthodox forage thought. Also, I have to keep my blood sugar up because I can't just eat a bowl of pasta like you Wheaties (as the gluten-free community calls you).

Food
---Something Gummy (Gummy Sharks / Bears / Worms / Fish)
---Something Meaty (Jerky / Pepper Stick / Sausage)
---Something Nutty (Trail Mix from Winco)
---Something Carbohydrate...ish (Cookies / Wafers)
---Something Mexican (Tamales)

---Honey...straight out of the bear

---PB&J (4-6) because its the perfect combination of everything

Water

---2-3 Nalgenes (Water)

---A Gatorade or Vitamin Water (maybe 2)

This is some advice on food given to me by Sean (proponent of fancy pants). I have used strikethrough on the text that I deem inappropriate.

Food: depends how long you are going to be there, but I guess either way you should always pack extra.I mostly use dehydrated foods, instant coffee, and oatmeal... with the typical snacking food in between. SOME comfort food (as in maybe one or two bits) can be good as an emotional booster.

Breakfast: I usually do Oatmeal.... SOMETHING warm is good, especially if you are ON a mountain.

Lunch: usually you are hiking at lunch time- so something that needs no prep--> nuts, jerky, an apple and maybe a piece of candy (if I'm feeling wussy).

Dinner: Something warm. Dehydrated meals is a more recent option that I've adopted..... I sort of forget what I used to do for dinner. I think I used to go fishing.... in the future I plan on collecting what ever my snares and traps caught.

Snacks- I consumed many many bit o honey candies when I did part of the PCT a couple years ago- Peanut butter, honey, coconut goodness (I don't know if it is gluten free). Other snacks include the usual... pretty much what I said I'd eat for lunch.

Cooking Apparatus

Brendan has an MSR Windpro stove that comes with a little wind shield and boils water in only a few minutes. Sean has a Primus classic that he has had for six years. His roommate Brian has a fancier stove, and Sean's brother Kyle has a Jet Boil, which is a nice compact unit. If ever I were to forsake my forage philosophy and join the rest of civilization...I think I would do it with a jet boil. I know that sounds bad. Its just how I talk. Don't hassle me or I won't share my gummy bears.

My legitimate advice...buy a camp stove. You'll use it eventually. Even if you just make coffee on the road instead of stopping at Fivebucks.